Warning: Go no further if you do not have an odd sense of humor. The stories that follow are FICTION and are meant only for the friends of ZuLu. They are not meant to insult or confuse you.
***
Stories will appear here on a monthly (semi-annual really) basis. When
reading these stories it is recommended that you say to yourself "No
more Mister nice guy" and "I've got to stop being such a wuss!"
Remember: the best humor comes at the expense of others.
***
"A terrible insanity curible by marrige" - Ambrose
Bierce
"The illusion that one woman differs from another" - H.L.
Mencken
"Love is two minutes fifty two seconds of squishing noises. It
shows your mind isn't clicking right" - Johnny Rotten.
***
Wolf
(From the Zulu underground)
A wolf chewed off a womans head tonight. She was sleeping near a campfire and was attacked early in the morning.
The ravenous animal bit the skin off her face by shredding her neck. It twisted and pulled apart her head by shaking her body as a dog shakes a bone. She managed to get out only a shriek before the animal cracked her skull open with it's powerful jaws.
The wolf sat there, gulping down her brains as the rest of the campers watched from behind the trees. To the wolf, the brains were a delight. It kept wagging it's tail and licking its lips. As a celebration the wolf dragged the head by the long blond hair and swung it around. As it turned to leave it pushed the skull into the fire where it sizzled and popped. Each cavity and eye ball exploding in the intense heat.
I climbed the stairs and find the man lying at a angle. His head has
been smashed into the wall. A red smear shows where his face rubbed against
the concrete blocks.
I push him over and check his wallet. It's still there. No credit cards
but there is 50 bucks.
There is no expression on his face. His mouth hangs to one side and
his eyes are still closed. The cowboy shirt he wears is stained and crumpled.
His blue jeans are dirty but spotted with blood.
It is quiet in the stairs. People don't pass through here so it is
likely that no one has seen this corpse.
I could run and call the police but I don't care. Let him rot here
in this dusty concrete cavern. Let his stinking corpse sit while the warm
air makes him stiffen and roll. I got what I wanted. What good is it to
complicate my life.
I climb past the body and kick it in the groin with my boot. Thud.
A dull sound. I jump over onto the next step. "Stinkin' mess"
I say aloud.
***
Where are you going I ask myself. This is a fool thing to do. You need
to sit down and get a few things done before you go on. You need to print
a few resumes and find a better job.
No I don't -I say back to myself.
I lean over the engine and pour oil into a small hole in the dark.
I'll need a few quarts before I go on any trip. Tonight I'll travel a few
hours.
It's stupid. Going to see a woman in the middle of the night. You are
not using your head.
Since when does a man use his head with a woman? Never in history has
this happened. In other words a man's brain disengages when he thinks about
a woman. The heart doesn't take over. This is some sort of hormone driven
need for passion and sex.
I can't see the engine well in this darkness. I see a slick line pouring
from the bottle and I think it is going into the right hole. Some runs
off the sides and I can hear it spattering on the ground.
Yeah. I know it's stupid. I'm just not thinking straight. I don't know
what else to do. I don't want to stay here because I'll just be restless.
There does come a time when you have to do something.
You have to force the issue. Sitting and worrying does not make things
happen.
She asked you to give her a ring? Did she say anything else?
No. She just mentioned the ring. I've been thinking a lot about that
too. We don't talk much and her she comes out and mentions the ring.
You did give her a gun.
Yeah I gave her a gun. Don't ask me if I don't know what that means
because I do. I might as well of given her a ring (it's the same thing
in Texas).